Trusting The Connection: Finding a counsellor who aligns with you

Therapy is deeply personal work, and the connection between you and your counsellor can make all the difference.

I remember the first time I sat in the 'other' chair - I was in my early 20s, desperate to put out the anxious fire that was threatening to burn my sanity to the ground. A Gp had referred me to someone who was supposedly qualified to deal with these issues and I had no idea what I was looking for. It was a poor fit in the end, involving breathing exercises and the advice that I needed to "just stop worrying" (yes, I'm not joking). I didn't understand that what I really needed was to be truly seen and received in safety and, unfortunately, nor did they.

I came to realise that choosing a counsellor or therapist is more than just picking a name from a list. It’s about finding someone who feels like the right fit - emotionally, energetically and practically. Therapy is deeply personal work, and the connection between you and your counsellor can make all the difference. So, how do you know that you've found a good one?

You feel seen and heard

It’s not just about someone listening to your words. A good counsellor really sees you beyond the surface and story. You feel understood in your experience and accepted just as you are.

The space feels safe and grounded

When you’re with the right therapist, the space feels calm, respectful, and energetically steady. You feel safe to share what’s true for you, at your own pace, without pressure or judgement.

They show up as their real self

A good counsellor is professional and authentic. They’re human with you - warm, genuine, and present.

They support and gently encourage you to grow

Growth can be uncomfortable at times, but it shouldn’t feel harsh. A good counsellor offers compassionate support while gently helping you explore the patterns, beliefs, and emotions that may be keeping you stuck. If you are needing support that is beyond their area of expertise, they should be willing to refer you to someone who has the appropriate skills.

Boundaries are respected

Clear boundaries are part of what makes the therapeutic space safe. You'll feel cared for, but also know the relationship is centred around your healing, not theirs.

They value your wisdom

A good counsellor doesn’t act like they have all the answers. They trust that you already hold the wisdom you need, and their role is to help you reconnect with it. You’ll feel empowered, not directed or talked at. If you are offered resources, these should be well-timed and relevant, supporting this goal.

They keep growing too

Inner work is an ongoing process for everyone. This is why counsellors engage in their own learning, supervision, and reflection. You can feel when someone is committed to their own growth - it creates a cleaner, more supportive energy for you. In Australia, you can find registered counsellors who meet these requirements on the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA) or Australian Counselling Association (ACA) online directory. Please note that, currently, anyone can call themselves a counsellor, so it's important to do your research.

You notice shifts

Over time, you might notice more self-compassion, clearer boundaries, or a softer relationship with yourself. Shifts can feel dramatic i.e. the kind of change that follows a 'lightbulb moment', or more subtle, unfolding gradually.

The relationship feels right

In my experience, as both a counsellor and a person seeking help, the relationship matters most. Sometimes you won't know if someone is right for you until you are sitting across from them. In any case, trust your gut, notice how you feel in their presence, and allow yourself to actively choose a person who resonates with you and best meets your needs. Websites like Psychology Today and Healthshare list professionals in your area and beyond, along with the counselling bodies mentioned above.

Not sure if I'm a good fit for you? Feel free to contact me here for a brief chat and let's see if we align.